Random thoughts of the day

Fast Eddie · **Fast Eddie**

Random Thoughts of the Day:

- I wish Google Maps had an "Avoid Ghetto" routing option.

- More often than not, when someone is telling me a story all I can think about is that I can't wait for them to finish so that I can tell my own story that's not

only better, but also more directly involves me.

- Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize you're wrong.

- I don't understand the purpose of the line, "I don't need to drink to have fun."

- Have you ever been walking down the street and realized that you're going in the complete opposite direction of where you are supposed to be going? But instead

of just turning a 180 and walking back in the direction from which you came, you have to first do something like check your watch or phone or make a grand arm

gesture and mutter to yourself to ensure that no one in the surrounding area thinks you're crazy by randomly switching directions on the sidewalk.

- I totally take back all those times I didn't want to nap when I was younger..

-The letters T and G are very close to each other on a keyboard. This recently became all too apparent to me and consequently I will never be ending a work

email with the phrase "Regards" again.

- Do you remember when you were a kid, playing Nintendo and it wouldn't work? You take the cartridge out, blow in it and that would magically fix the problem.

Every kid in America did that, but how did we all know how to fix the problem?

- There was no internet or message boards or FAQ's. We just figured it out. Today's kids are soft.

- There is a great need for sarcasm font.

- Sometimes, I'll watch a movie that I watched when I was younger and suddenly realize I had no idea what the f was going on when I first saw it.

-The other night I hit a new low at an open bar. I had already hopped on highway blackout when, inevitably I had to find a bathroom. Eventually I decided it was

probably on the other side of the bar so I tried to walk over
there, but ran into a guy coming the other way. We played that, Both go left, Both go right

game to no avail, so I finally put out my hand to guide myself past and that's is when I realized, yup, that's a mirror I just tried to walk through. And the

guy on the other side is me. Even cats can re cognize their own image.

- How the hell are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet?

- I would rather try to carry 10 plastic grocery bags in each hand than take 2 trips to bring my groceries in.

- I think part of a best friend's job should be to immediately clear your computer history if you die.

- A recent study has shown that playing beer pong contributes to the spread of mono and the flu. Yeah, if you suck
at it.

- Lol has gone from meaning, "laugh out loud" to "I have nothing else to say"..

- My brother's Municipal League baseball team is named the Stepdads. Seeing as none of the guys on the team are actual stepdads, I inquired about the name. He
explained, "Cuz we beat you, and you hate us." Classy, bro.

- Whenever someone says "I'm not book smart, but I'm street smart", all I hear is "I'm not real smart, but I'm imaginary smart".

-How many times is it appropriate to say "What?" before you just nod and smile because you still didn't hear what they said?

- While driving yesterday I saw a banana peel in the road and instinctively swerved to avoid it...thanks Mario Kart.

- Obituaries would be a lot more interesting if they told you how the person died.

-I find it hard to believe there are actually people who get in the shower first and THEN turn on the water.

- I would like to officially coin the phrase 'catching the swine flu' to be used as a way to make fun of a friend for hooking up with an overweight woman.

Example: "Dave caught the swine flu last night

- If Carmen San Diego and Waldo ever got together, their offspring would probably just be completely invisible.

- Why is it that during an ice-breaker, when the whole room has to go around and say their name and where they are from, I get so incredibly nervous? Like I know

my name, I know where I'm from, this shouldn't be a problem....

- Can we all just agree to ignore whatever comes after DVDs? I don't want to have to restart my collection.

- There's no worse feeling than that millisecond you're sure you are going to die after leaning your chair back a
little too far.

- I'm always slightly terrified when I exit out of Word and it asks me if I want to save any changes to my ten page research paper that I swear I did not make

any changes to.

- While watching the Olympics, I find myself cheering equally for China and USA . No, I am not of Chinese descent, but I am fairly certain that when Chinese

athletes don't win, they are executed.

- I hate when I just miss a call by the last ring (Hello? Hello? Damnit!), but when I immediately call back, it rings nine times and goes to voicemail. What'd

you do after I didn't answer? Drop the phone and run away?

-I hate leaving my house confident and looking good and then not seeing anyone of importance the entire day. What a waste.

- I like all of the music in my iTunes, except when it's on shuffle, then I like about one in every fifteen songs in my iTunes.

- Why is a school zone 20 mph? That seems like the optimal cruising speed for pedophiles...

- Sometimes I'll look down at my watch 3 consecutive times and still not know what time it is.

- It should probably be called Unplanned Parenthood.

-I keep some people's phone numbers in my phone just so I know not to answer when they call.

-Even under ideal conditions people have
trouble locating their car keys in a pocket, hitting the G-spot, and Pinning the Tail on the Donkey - but I'd bet my

ass everyone can find and push the Snooze button from 3 feet away, in about 1.7 seconds, eyes closed, first time every time...

- I wonder if cops ever get pissed off at the fact that everyone they drive behind obeys the speed limit.

- I think the freezer deserves a light as well.

-I disagree with Kay Jewelers. I would bet on any given Friday or Saturday night more kisses begin with Miller Lites than Kay.

-The other night I ordered takeout, and when I looked in the bag, saw they had included four sets of plastic silverware. In other words, someone at the

restaurant packed my order, took a second to think about it, and then estimate d that there must be at least four people eating to require such a large amount of

food. Too bad I was eating by myself. There's nothing like being made to feel
like a fat bastard before dinner.
Thank you,

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My wife said I had to give up golf or she'd leave me. I don't miss her as much as I thought I would.

Jean · **Jean**

This was hilarious, I can't even pick one as there was so many good ones.

Thanks a bunch, Ed!

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"Just when I knew all the answers, they changed the questions."

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WILynn · **WILynn**

Good ones there, Ed. I will not sayLOL, I will not say LOL, I will not say LOL...

And yes, I want that sarcasm font. Oh, and the instructions on how to properly fold a fitted sheet.
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slimster · **slimster**

There were some very good ones in that post! Some funny and some to make ya think!

Mphs Ed · **Mphs Ed**

I thought you were a lawyer not a FARMER. Great list, best in a long time.
Some were funny, some were thoughtful, most were true.

LA · LA

These were too good, Ed. Thanks!
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Stew · **Stew**

Good ones, Ed, thanks. Some grins, some laughs and some thinking.
Thnks!
Stew

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